On blogging and stuff...

LONG TIME NO POST!! I'VE COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS BLOG OF MINE BECAUSE OF TUMBLR! :( sorry, blogspot. you've been so nice to me pa naman

anyhoo...i'll try to finish my previous blog coz I still have a lot of stuff to say HAHA

GAHD. I'm so lazy

"There aren't many people that you just 'click' with, and when you find those people, you don't just let them go"

POSTED THIS ON MY OTHER BLOG THEN REALIZE THAT IT'S BETTER TO POST IT HERE SINCE NOBODY KNOWS THIS BLOG

TEEHEE

I had a guy friend that I just happened to ‘click’ with back in first year college. We became super close during the first half of the semester (around mid-July or early August, I think). WE WERE SUPER TIGHT. I mean he would wait with me in school until the driver picked me up. Sometimes, I would wait with him until his Dad or Mom picked him up. Other times, I would drop him off to the nearby university (he has piano classes there) on my way home or drop him off somewhere near his house (of course, his place was on the way to my place). We always ALWAYS sat together during our breaks (he was the one who always sat beside me). He would be the first one to greet me when I entered the room. He always sad goodbye whenever I left early. Our Y!m conversations lasted for hours on a daily basis. EVERYONE KNEW WE WERE CLOSE. HE WAS A VERY SPECIAL FRIEND OF MINE (and I think I was also his). Until one day, he decided to ignore me—silent treatment (OUCH). Of course, my initial thought was that I did something wrong and that he was mad. Our last conversation the day before (It was a Thursday. I REMEMBER VIVIDLY.) was like this :

(in English) Around 6:00 PM, in a computer room

HIM: Hey,are you mad about a while ago? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

Me: Huh?? NO, of course not. Why would I be mad? That was nothing. We’re cool. I really just wanted to listen to the lesson Sir was giving coz I want to get a high grade on the next long test. calls out to a girl friend, am I mad at HIM? No, right?

GIRL: Of course not. Why would you be?

HIM: Sorry, Sorry x1234567 (you get what I mean)

(in Filipino)

HIM: Uyyy..Galit ka ba? Sorry, sorry talaga.

Me: Huh? Ba’t naman ako magagalit? Wala yun. Hindi ako galit. Bati tayo. Gusto ko lang talaga makinig kay Sir kanina kasi gusto ko makakuha ng mataas ng grade sa sa susunod na long test. tinawag ang kaibigang babae, Galit ba ako? Hindi diba?

GIRL: Hindi noh. Bakit naman siya magagalit sayo?

HIM: Sorry, sorry talaga x123456

A few hours before…

Sir: Discussing about college algebra stuff

I was seated in between HIM and GIRL (a really really close friend of mine). They were pretty busy talking and laughing about something. Because I was having a hard time hearing what the teacher was saying, I stood up and moved to the chair in front of me (without saying a word). He immediately asked if I was mad and started to apologized repeatedly. I was surprised at his reaction to something that was seemingly not to be violently reacted upon. With a smile, I assured him that I was not angry at them for talking. (My girl friend was not worried if I was mad or not. In fact when I asked her later, she told me that she really didn’t think that I was mad or annoyed at them at all.)

On the day he stopped talking to me, I stopped talking to him too. I didn’t know how I was supposed to handle what was happening. Plus, I didn’t feel like I was supposed to apologize because I knew I didn’t do anything wrong. I certainly didn’t want to make the first move on trying to find out what was happening.

A few weeks later, things got WAAAAAAAAAAY awkward between us. We started avoiding each other. We would seat on each end of the table,as far as we can from each other, during lunch. I could not even look at his freakin’ face. I stopped talking on conversations whenever he would join us and he would do the same thing too whenever I joined them. I remember begging my girl friend not to leave us alone on the table coz I could not bare the awkwardness. TOWARDS THE END OF THE SEMESTER, THERE WAS JUST TOO MUCH AWKWARDNESS BETWEEN US THAT OTHER PEOPLE STARTED FEELING AWKWARD WHEN BOTH OF US WERE AROUND THEM. They were feeling awkward coz they knew we were awkward together. They were asking me what happened to us and all I was able to say was ‘I don’t know’. I didn’t know because I didn’t want to find out why (more of that later…)

Second semester came and things became more…stable. I guess we got so used of us avoiding each other and all that shiz, it became normal for us. For me, it felt like he didn’t exist in my world anymore. THERE WAS NO ‘HIM’. And I also felt that I didn’t exist in his world anymore. Damn, he was not even able to say my name in my face when he needed to. (Well, of course, I too would not say his name…BUT NOT ON HIS FACE.) Everything was going smooth when people started to ask me. My college girl friends said that how things turned out was a shame. They told me that we were the closest boy-girl friends among us and seeing how things worked out was a sad thing to see. Since they were asking me and I didn’t know what to answer, I ASKED THEM. Since we weren’t talking anymore, he started talking to the other girls. He became closer to my girl friend (the one I mentioned above). I asked her if he was talking about me with her. She told me THAT HE WAS ASHAMED. When that Math thing happened, he realized that he was kind of abusing our friendship because of all the favors I did for him (i.e taking a ride in my car to and from school). I was like WHAT THE HELL??? THAT WAS IT?! ALL THIS AWKWARDNESS AND AVOIDING BECAUSE OF THAT. THAT’S JUST SOME CRAPPY SHIT. (Yeah, at first I was REALLY pissed. I felt that was just some shallow pathetic excuse. There’s got to be something more than that. I WANTED THE REAL REASON..but more on that later) I MEAN COME OOOOON WE’RE FRIENDS!! I DID THOSE THINGS BECAUSE I WANTED TO. WHAT ARE FRIENDS ARE FOR, RIGHT? (YOU WOULD DO THE SAME THING FOR YOUR FRIEND, RIGHT?…regardless of gender, right?) So yeah, that annoyed the hell out of me. So, I was like ‘Screw you! I just won’t care anymore. You can be ‘ashamed’ at me for all I care.’

So for the rest of the second semester, I was a little pissed at him but generally, I was more of indifferent towards him. I came to accept that we couldn’t be friends anymore and that things will have to be this way with him for the rest of our college years together…possibly forever.

I guess my story with ‘clicking’ with someone has to stop here. It’s 4:14 am now and that Venti Caramel Macchiato has not yet wane on me. T_T I really wanted to finish this ASAP but there’s a lot of things I still want to share about

Next Semester

WOAH.

Today it dawned on me that I'LL MISS YOU. Next semester, you'll be in a different course. I won't get to see you everyday. There would be no reason for me to talk to you. Just when we're just starting to be close, you went away.

I wondered how that would feel starting November 7. If now, on our semestral break, I'm missing you then how would that feel next semester?

I know I didn't tell you that I'll miss you; but I'll definitely miss you not only as someone who likes you but as a friend too.

Dirty Little Secret

since i can't post stuff about me liking you (again) or anything that would express my feelings for you in Facebook, Y!M, Twitter ang Plurk coz of our blockmates, i'll just write about them here in Blogspot where no one knows who I am and where I would prefer strangers knowing about my feelings for you. so yeah.

hello, readers! if you are reading my blog, it's just about my unrequited feelings for my blockmate ( i'm in college, btw) whom i've feelings for the past 1 1/2 years that i've known him. feel free to comment. thank you very much

Facebook stat

You tagged me. That's a first.

I don't know what to say.

SEMBREAK

it's the first day of sembreak (YAY!) and i got to spend it with my high school friends and my blockmates (YAY!)

i had lunch with my HS friends then went to my blockamate's house for our sem-ender party thing. i didn't expect him to be there coz it's not really his thing to go to our block things unless she was there --by she, i mean the girl blockmate that she's closest with. so anyway, he was there and i (admit) was a little jealous. GOD, WHY AM I AFFECTED? i found out that he picked up our other girl blockmate who, by the way, "used" to liked him (FYI, i still think she's not over him) GAAAAHH!! they were freakin' alone in his car for about 30-45 mins :(( asdfghjkl

we were playing rockband. i think he was singing Creep by Radiohead. it was the first time that i actually heard him sing a song seriously. as i was watching him sing, i realized something. i was certain that i was gonna miss him for the whole semestral break. THIS WAS SO LIKE LAST YEAR'S SEMBREAK. NOOOOOOOOO~!!! I AM FALLING FOR HIM AGAIN. WHY AM I SO PATHETIC? THIS IS THE 4TH-5TH THAT I'VE FALLEN FOR HIM IN THE SPAN OF 1 1/2 YEARS THAT I'VE KNOWN HIM. AND WE'RE NOT THAT EVEN CLOSE AND YET...

I WON'T SEE HIM FOR 3 WEEKS. THERE'S NO REASON FOR US TO TALK. HE IS ALWAYS INVISIBLE AT Y!M.... yeah. it's another i-am-deprived-of-my-crush break for me. :(

TAGLISH

Today, you actually held my hand. well. not fully but you got my right arm, turned it, opened my palm and gave me my cellphone back. our fingers touched. i was happy to feel and realized that it actually happened pero syempre sayo, wala lang yun. lagi naman eh. :(

kanina pinatong mo ang mga kamay mo sa balikat ko. nagulat ako dahil alam kong ginagawa mo lang iyon sa mga ka-close mo( T and M). does that mean that we're getting closer? di ko alam pero sa mga nakaraang linggo, lagi mo na lang akong kinukulit and inaasar. i don't know but i think that i'm liking the attention :|

Today, you told me that my (red) hair was hot. Kahapon, tinawag mo akong cool.

dahil mababaw ako, sinusulat ko ang mga close-encounters natin dahil minsan lang mangyari yun.

kahapon, sinabihan mo ako ng THERE'S STILL HOPE. alam kong pabiro lang iyon. medyo nainis pa nga ako at nasabi kong ang kapal ng mukha mo.

nung lumayo ako, bigla akong napangiti ako at palihim na tumingin sa direksyon mo.